Three weeks of WHAT THE FxxK.

I was teaching in Singapore for 17 years, so I guess I had expectations. I thought, certain basic standards should be met in any decent school anywhere. Apparently, not necessarily.

When I went for the interview in July, it was actually my second one with them. I went for one in April last year but I didn't have my TRBWA certificate yet so they didn't accept me. Even then I felt like maybe the school wasn't right for me and was sort of relieved I didn't get the job.

So why did I go for it again? It was a crazy chain of events that took place in July. Basically I thought if I started working full-time, there'd be so much more we could do, so much more we could buy! See. I wanted to mess with a good thing. I wanted more. Wanting more always bites you in the ass.

At the interview when I asked the Principal if meetings or PD workshops are conducted during term breaks, he said "You are an outsider now. We cannot share this with you. We only tell you after you sign the contract." Hmm. Who talks like that. *Warning sign* I found out later that the school didn't even take into consideration my years of experience as a teacher overseas, and had offered me the basic pay for a beginning teacher here. *Warning sign*

When I met the same Principal to give him my two weeks' notice, he offered me all kinds of arrangements to get me to stay. *Warning sign* "How about you come in late and go home early every day? How about you go home for coffee/lunch and then come back to finish each day? How about you don't attend any of the meetings?" And when I said no, he responded with "OK. No problem." The end. *Warning sign* Strange man. So you can imagine how he leads the organisation.

I went down to the school on the last day of term 3 for an informal orientation. The students were running around and shouting to/at one another but I figured it's the last day of the term. Of course things would get a little crazy. *Warning sign* They didn't have a timetable ready for me yet *Warning sign*, which was annoying, but some of the teachers I was introduced to seemed friendly enough so I thought I'M GONNA BE AYY OKAYYY.

I got a text from my HOLA (that's head of learning area. I know u can't help yourself right? HOLA COMO ESTAS!) a few days later. She wanted me to go down to school in the middle of the holidays to clean up my designated classroom. *Warning sign* I'm not kidding you. I was asked to go down to clean up the mess left behind by the previous teacher who left in a hurry.

By the way, we are paid either per hour or per day over here for any work that we do. So when I went down to do the clean-up, that was unpaid. And god did the previous teacher leave in a hurry. The cupboards and the drawers were in a mess. She even left piles of the students' formative assessments on the teacher's desk. *Warning sign*, right?

Then halfway through the holidays, I received news that I was going to fill in the holes this teacher had left behind. I literally was introduced to my colleagues as "the teacher replacing xxx". *Warning sign* You know, the timetable I had the three weeks I was there never had my name on it. *Warning sign*

Day One was a pupil-free day. The PD session felt more like a religious sermon *Warning sign* but ok, whatever. I did sign up to teach in a religious college, right? There was a lot of passive listening. The day went by pretty easily. I thought, well... if this is the style here, I might just make it. Mind my own business, do my work, go home. I also noticed at other meetings I attended that teachers would openly do their marking / scroll through Instagram / chat. And they would pack up and walk just before the official dismissal is given by the person talking at the front. *Warning sign*

Day Two. Today's the real shite! When the bell went off at 825am, I made my way to the quadrangle and stood at the back. Then I noticed something disturbing. Even though the morning assembly had started and the man at the front was already leading the prayers, the students were taking their time to stroll in from all directions. *Warning sign* It wasn't just a handful of them. It was easily a couple of hundreds of them. They walked at the most leisurely pace. And nobody said anything. If we don't start the day right, and we don't emphasise on things like punctuality, then how's the rest of the day going to be good? And so that was how it was every day. Classes started 10-15 minutes late all the time. *Warning sign*

In my excitement to create a conducive, welcoming environment I had shopped for some stationery that I thought could be used during my lessons. and I thought, if the students needed to borrow some, why not? I'd be more than happy to lend them mine. So I placed them on the teacher's desk for easy access. When my first class came in, and I watched the boys heading one-by-one to the teacher's desk and helping themselves to whatever was there without my permission *Warning sign*, I thought: No good. This is nooo good.

So apparently this is a norm in the school. Many of the students come to class with nothing. *Warning sign* On a lucky day, they may have one pen in their pocket. Just the one pen. Most days, they help themselves to whatever is on the teacher's desk. I never got my stationery back, by the way. In 2 weeks, the 20 pens I bought for the teacher's desk were all either lost or destroyed.

Another thing that really bothered me was how the students would blatantly litter, like it was their way of life. I'm not talking small pieces of rubbish. I'm talking drink cans/bottles/wrappers/plastic bags etc. I found myself picking up litter every morning as I walked along the corridors to the classroom. *Warning sign* :( There was also a significant amount of litter in my classroom at the end of every day too. The first few days I would go around the class to pick up all the rubbish on the floor (that's usually when I would find my abused and broken pens *Warning sign*) but after a while, I found it dumb to be cleaning up after the students.

So. What have we got so far? No respect for punctuality. No respect for other's property. No respect for environment. Ok let's carry on.

The students come from various Muslim communities. These are Muslim communities I had never encountered before in my life. They come from all sorts of socio-economic backgrounds. I was told some of their parents were refugees. Some of their fathers have a few wivessss and many children. So the whole time I was there, I kept asking myself, is that why they act the way they do? Is that why they are so loud, so rude, so aggressive?

And in this school, I had to listen to the students speak offensively (and proudly so) about certain topics. It bothered me that I could never ever have a mature, sensible, respectful, open discussion with the students about these topics. It bothered me that I had to pretend to agree with them just so they would drop the subject/s, which they insisted on bringing up daily. *Warning sign*

I also became more disheartened as I learnt that whatever lesson material I had taken effort to prepare, I could only use in bits and pieces because half the time I was actually just trying to keep the class in control. It was absolute chaos at times, especially with the boys. A Level Head would come occasionally to check on the class, but that didn't make much difference at all. The boys fear the man, yes. But it makes absolutely no difference to what I have to deal with in MY class. *Warning sign* That killed my spirit a little more every day.

So it hit me I wasn't seen as an equal to my counterparts (of a certain other descent, especially the male ones). I was told the school LOVES teachers from Singapore. Sure. Why wouldn't they? We make EXCELLENT WORKHORSES. *Warning sign* But I think that's all we'd ever be loved for. I don't think I would ever feel like a respected, valued educator and individual in this school.

I came from a system that taught me to have an abundance mindset. The more you give, the more you receive. I came from a department where my colleagues and I trusted and supported each other and we built each other up, even in tough times. So it shocked me to learn that the teachers in this school would OPENLY bitch about one another and the gazillion problems they had with the school (to me, no less, their new staff member). *Warning sign*

They were also not shy about asking me for materials that I took time and effort to prepare, which I would share with them, without getting anything in return, every time. One incident that affected me was when I had just shared with these 2 teachers newspaper clippings I was going to work on in class. Another teacher came along and shared with them other materials for that same topic. They just huddled there, not 3 metres from me, and simply left me out. *Warning sign* Another one that I found equally disturbing was when a colleague walked into my class holding in her hands my student's project work that I had placed on my teacher's desk. She was returning it to me after showing it to her class. When did she come into my class and help herself to my student's work? *Warning sign*

I felt like a fraud the whole time I was there. *Warning sign* I was a fraud because I had strong opinions about the things going on in that school and yet I carried on like I was a happy, willing part of that community. I was a fraud because I was pretending to agree with the students' values and beliefs even if they were offensive and bigoted. I was a fraud because even though I was smiling and I was friendly to everyone, the whole time I was going WHAT THE FxxK in my head. I was not myself there. How could I be the best teacher possible when I was not myself?

Wow. That was a lot to unload. It was a nightmare and I am glad it's over. Maybe my reactions were stronger because of my own expectations, values and beliefs. Maybe for others, it's not such a bad place. Afterall, there are at least 5 teachers from SG working there currently. For now I am back to online teaching. Doesn't pay much, but I go to sleep happy and I wake up happy. :)

This picture was taken on 1 November 2021. Officially my last day at the school. I was not at school. I went grocery shopping instead.